I never got to say goodbye to my grandfather one last time before he died, he had been battling cancer for 3 years which was 3 years longer than the doctors had originally given him when he was first diagnosed. Over time we were starting to see him get worse and worse so my dad decided to take a trip up to see his father one last time and he had given my brother and I the opportunity to go with him to see him and miss some school which was unheard of in my family but me being a young I decided not to go. My dad arrived at their house and within two hours of him arriving my grandfather had passed away and I deeply regret not being able to say “love you” one more time.

When I was younger(4) my cousins used to touch me inappropriately. I remember being pulled behind curtains and chairs only to be told to touch someone or be touched. I remember this happening so many times. Then when I was like 9 or 10 some kids came over to my house and I remember making one touch me. I thought since it was done to me, maybe it was okay. But, even though I was little I’ve never felt more irritated in my life. I still see those cousins. They still come around. I act like I don’t remember because they probably think I don’t. It breaks my heart when I do because I feel so irritated with my body and feel like I can never trust anyone with it. I just hate it, remembering it. When they slept over and made me touch them. These days I’m forcing myself to forget because It hurts to remember.

• January 8, 2023