I had sex with someone I absolutely hate and I forced myself through it and eventually they basically started using me every day and if was painful and hurt but I forced myself through it for hours at a time and they never wanted to stop even if I told them it hurt and I hate myself for going through it and not doing something

I don’t know what do to it’s really really irritating, the only things I enjoy is sleeping and listening to music, I like working out too it’s fun ig, it’s something to do. I used to be really interested as a younger kid, I was in to everything bruh I was so motivated to do things, and then I’m middle school everything got boring, I don’t do drugs or anything and I still keep up my grades cause it’s easy, I still workout, and I started reading I like it. But everything just seems so boring, the only time I really enjoy something is like labor cause then I can j go on autopilot and get stuff done. I wanna be rich bc I want money I wanna br able to take care of my family and those who could use the hand, and so I’m gonna continue going to school and getting a PHD I wanna do a lot of things and I’m going to do them all, but none of it is really interesting, it j seems like I do it cause I have no other choice, and it’s whatever idc, but I don’t want it to always be like that, idk how to make things interesting or how to make myself interested in things. Is there something I should change or like I could do? Idk why I’m asking I probably sound stupid rn fuck

• December 3, 2022