I hurt my exes. I look back almost everyday and blame myself for having no control of my emotions. I was young and dumb, I wanted toxic relationships just like social media and drama surrounding me. I wanted conflict. I didn't know who I truly was. I lost trust in close friends and family. I now live with the burden of being afraid of myself. My anxiety has become so bad I shake uncontrollably. I owned up to everything and everyone I hurt but the only person I can never forgive is myself. Who ever reads this, treat yourself kindly. Think about your actions when talking to people or establishing relationships.

I have a lot of regrets. But I guess the biggest one I got is choosing to be alone. I’ve been hurt a lot, my trust thrown away from people who I thought would always be there for me. I never had a girlfriend or really any friends at all. I’m an outcast and it’s hard when most of the people you know in your high school put a label on you and that’s what your known for. I get I’m not the easiest to get along with and that I can be annoying and a sarcastic pr*ck but at least I try. But I’m just tired of seeing people be fake and tired of being used or manipulated just so someone else can be happy. So now whenever I feel like I’m getting close to someone I just start acting like an absolute douche. It’s not that I want to, it’s just that I’m scared. I hate being lonely and alone but if that’s what I gotta do to survive than screw, I may not like it but at least I’m still here.

• December 29, 2022