My whole life I have been the person who you never notice. This was both at home and at any soical interaction. I let this become me. Now I have no true personality because I am always the person who is just there. And when I think someone may see me or try to get to know me I sabotage it. I lived in the darkness and the chaos my whole life I don’t truly know what it’s like to be in the light.

I was at home with my family, (mom, dad and little sister) and we were talking around the table. My dad spoke up and he said “Girls, I just signed us up and payed for a weekend at family camp!” My little sister and I looked at each-other and we groaned. “Why do we have to go to that?” My dad kind of had a hurt look on his face and he said “To spend time with family and to enjoy those around us. I thought you wanted to go.” I replied, “Dad, none of my friends are going. Do we have to go? I hate playing the family games and everything is boring.” So we ended up going to the camp, my little sister and I didn’t have a great time and we complained about it a lot while we were there. Looking back, I feel really bad about complaining. My dad only wanted to have a good time with us, and I couldn’t see the bright side. I still feel regret to this day for complaining. My dad probably doesn’t even remember it but I do and it makes me sad and angry at myself for grumbling. Him and I have a great relationship, but it still pains me to think about how ungrateful I was during that time. I was a spoiled child and I couldn’t go a second without thinking about myself.

• April 19, 2023