My bio mom always choose people who would physically hurt her, and use illegal substances,I been hit growing up, and afterwards, she told me she loved me and when I started dating, I did the same thing as her, choose guys who would hurt me, but I did it for a different reason, I did it because I was looking for someone to love me (I never really had that in my childhood) and she did it for the substances, but because of what I learned from her, I went to only the bad guys... I'm now 18 almost 19 with a 34 year old, I'm really happy for the 1st time, and he says he is too, but when I mentioned to him I'd be okay with him hitting me a few times, I'd rather him hit me when he's mad than to leave or anything else, he gets upset and tells me abuse isn't love... but is it abuse if I'm okay with it?? Like, i don't want it, but I'm ok with it, It's nothing I haven't been through before... I don't get attached often, but when I do, it's gets bad and I'll do anything for them, including let him hit me, I know it makes him upset when I talk about it, but I don't understand, this is my longest steady relationship, and I don't want to ruin it, but I'm not sure what to do, this is what I'm used to, and I'm trying to unlearn it, and I need advice

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023