When I was 6 I faked a really bad “illness” over the course of 2-3 weeks. It started with a stomachache and I did some really fucked up shit… on my mothers birthday I decided to stop. To magically “feel better” in reality I just wanted to stop her worrying… it’s was also her birthday. She spends hundreds of dollars on things that I don’t need. I don’t know how to break it to her. She’s a good mother, and I love her deeply. I don’t think I’ll ever tell her, maybe when she’s close to passing.. To this day I never fake illness, doesn’t matter if it’s a headache or stomachache. Even if it is real, I never want to see her that worried for her baby ever again..

i’m tired. i used to be a straight A student all through middle school. i was a good kid. never argued, had lots of friends, was likable, nice, i loved my life. i’m now a freshman in high school, so i’m not that old. i’m scared to eat, i can’t trust anyone, i’m failing 4 classes, i don’t come out of my room, just lost my best friend, my ex who i still love despises every inch of me. it’s taking a toll on my mental health and i’m just tired of being here. tired of pretending i’m happy just so other people don’t worry about me. i don’t know what to do, how to react. my anxiety is over the roof, to where i can’t even get out of bed. i got diagnosed with being bipolar, which is hard. i just don’t know what to do. i’m trying but i’m so tired. i’m running out of options.

• August 2, 2023