My dad was shot and killed a few years ago and I’ve been really bothered since then. The day that he died my sibling and I were arguing over who got to play on the console and he had just had enough and was driving us to are moms but in the car he said he hated us and didn’t want to see us again that day he went to his girlfriend and her father shot him in the chest with a shot gun and I can’t help but feel it’s all my fault why did I have to argue with my sibling over so stupid. When his funeral was held it was the last time I would ever be able to see my father in person before he was cremated and I couldn’t go in I was just too broken to go in and see him to this day I regret it because I can’t remember what he looks like without looking at a photo and I’m still blaming myself. The rest of my life isn’t going to well either I’ve been in this spiral for years since he passed I’ve developed this fake personality to hide myself for everything and to make people like me. I’ve considered on multiple occasions on just ending it because all my past friends betrayed me and all my current “friends” are all pretending to like me and the second I’m gone they talk like I’m a sh&t stain on the floor just an inconvenience for them when I’m around. Every time I try to put myself out there I get utterly rejected and I feel terrible as a person I’ve done some bad things in my life and I wake up hoping today is my last so I won’t have to deal with all of this anymore because no one will ever love me.