I always felt like everyone hated me in my family,my dad and bro,,i was always a failure,i ended up growing up with so much bitterness i hated them for treating me so badly,,,now my dad passed away last year,i didnot attend his burial because i was far away,,,i just wish he treated me better because i always felt so alone despite growing up in a family of 5 anytime i remember how much they used to beat me up,my mum would not help because she would be dragged into the mess,,,i just hate my brother even more now that my dad is gone,may he rest in peace,,,,anyone tell me how to deal with this bitterness,pain and hatred i feel inside

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023