I don’t know what to think. I’ve had small crushes on people in like 2nd grade, 4th grade etc. but I’m in Highschool now and I got my first ever like REAL crush. We’ve never even talked but he’s just so sweet and caring. He doesn’t have a girlfriend so maybe I have a chance? He’s smiled at me before and looked at me plenty. He mentioned me today. It was good though he wasn’t saying anything bad about me. Anyways. I don’t know what to do. I cant tell anyone abt this crush, not my friends, family, anyone. So I just decided to get this off my chest. Thanks.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023