My grandma died 2 months ago. My mom was at the same room as her when it happened but she just watched as my grandma took her last breath. Didn't go next to her, didn't try to do anything. And I know my mom couldn't have done anything but I still feel like my grandma was left on her own in her last minutes and I feel terrible guilt and anger because of that. I'm not mad at my mom, I'm mad at the whole situation and the fact, that I was supposed to wake up that day early to help my mom with taking care of my grandma, but I didn't and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I was with her for a few hours after she died.

Not a secret but now that I'm here I kinda feel like I'm at a good place basically my life has been a lie Mt dad has lied to me abt my mom and made me hate her for years jus to make him look like the good guy he has always been manipulative ajs selfish and mentally and emotionally abusing he caused Me to have a mental breakdown once he caused me to fail a test I need because I was grounded and couldn't use my school laptop which sucks. I get grounded for the stupidest stuff. He cares about himself more than me and my brother, or atleasg jts how he presents himself. I feel like I'm everyone's punching bag in my house and I don't feel loved or wanted. I get called an embarrassment and screamed at constantly. Tbh the only thing keeping me from ending it is my friends, and the thought that if I keep torturing myself till I'm 18 I won't have to put my fake family through some emotional damage that they would carry thr rest if their life. Everything j say has to he sarcastic so I don't hurt anyone bc I'm afraid to and no one takes me serious. I can't speak freely without being scared of being hit. I want to be with my mom. @gdisis on tiktok. Sometimes I wish I could have a better life yet again I wish I could just take the easy way out but hurting to many people is too big a risk.

• May 17, 2023