Growing up I was in the foster care system, I have my parents but It wasn't the best to put it nicely. When I turned 10 or 11 I was sent to the E.R. for mental health after I was in group homes till I was 18. The first one I went to I stayed at for about 4 or 5 years one of the max levels in CA. And every day I wished for someone to save me from that place. I watched people come and go for so long I became numb to it. I truly thought I would never leave. And any time I got mad or my body language was a little hostile I would be restrained I was young With mental health issues honestly I don't think that was best because now when I see that place or anyone who worked there my body hurts from the memories or being held down because I mad and no one would listen I couldn't walk out to get air because it was "unsafe" but after a while you just submit and bottle everything up I learned really fast to hide your true feelings because if you cried to loud you needed more medication and if you where to happy you just wanted attention. Now I have perfected The art of the lie and manipulate my emotions to fit. I honestly don't really feel human anymore. Maybe I'm just insane or truly unfixable but I will never forget the things I saw and felt over those years everything was pain, a deep red like blood black and white mixing pulling and pushing like TV static twisting my mind till I was numb and just let it happen staring out of an empty mind. I still feel this way and I wish no one to feel this kind of pain as it is truly unbearable at times to the point you pass out due to how much pain u feel like it's pulling you to sleep whether you wanted to or not. Then you wake up like the pain was never there but comes back like it never left. And it's the same every time. I've tried different methods to stop the pain every time it to be unsuccessful. Now I live with this everyday all the pain like TV static. Thank you for listening to may story.