The only reason I’ve yet kill myself is that I’ve realized I’m sort of a “cushion” for other peoples pain,like I’m able to be the person they can talk too and feel better, the one they can vent too. But I have my own problems, I’ve done nothing in my life really, I’m 20 and haven’t done shit with my life, I’m actually depressed, The one thing stopping my form taking a sewer slide is the fact that if I go, nobody else is going to be there for those people, and that’s another thing for me, is that all i am?

Alr so.. when I was younger I would get physically abused everyday till until about the age of 12 when I was saved from that home. (I’m 17 this year …) I always thought it was normal to grow up that way.. idk why I thought parents did that. I’m working through therapy but even they don’t know the darkest part about it . Anyway.. I still love them with everything In me.. that’s the problem tho.. im afraid to let go of the people I love the most . What do I do bcs I keep self harming and idk what to do anymore people keep leaving and hurting me so.. it’s like what do I even do yk. It’s too painful to even bring up verbally .. so yeah thanks for listening

• July 28, 2023