i’m starting to get numb for days again. i had depression for a while now but it started to get worse after i saw a kid jump from school trying to end it. i don’t feel anything no emotions nothing and it’s scary bcz i know that means my depression is hitting me hard again and i’m shutting down to not be able to fully acknowledge it or feel it. it’s like a. roller coaster where i feel numb and then..i have feeling again. i thought i was handling it. i was feeling better again but it hits randomly and my boyfriend doesn’t know about me starting to feel like this again. he’ll suggest counseling and tell me i came back to school to quickly and suggest i take a few days off again but i have to graduate and another thing is im terrified of going to counseling i don’t want to relive that situation once more. he doesn’t really know how bad it is. last time he asked me if i had the chance to do it would i.? and i told him i’m not sure i’d stop myself but i know i won’t bcz i dont want to die and i saw his face full of worry and i don’t want that. he ships off to boot camp in 2 months. i don’t want him to worry about me while he’s out in the military. i don’t know what to do. i know i got this but i’m terrified i’ll slip…im 3 yrs clean and i’m scared; i want the life me and him talked about; i want to live. i don’t want to scare him off but if i tell him iknow he’ll stay and help me. but he’s been talking about boot camp since we’ve met and i don’t want to keep him from it..what do i do.?