I have a really good intuition. When I was 15 my (now ex) boyfriend lived with me we just slept in other rooms and worked different jobs. My grandma was having a lot of health issues. One night I was panicking because I KNEW something was going to happen. I urged my parents to drive 4 hours to Auburn and they were willing to but they said there wasn’t anything we can do to see her at night time as she was in a nursing home. My at the time boyfriend had work tomorrow so I decided we should just stay home and I’d spend time with him and if something happened tomorrow we would leave to see her…I woke up that morning to my mom telling me she passed away. It hurts. I hold it so heavily in my heart that I could have prevented it somehow or said goodbye one more time but instead of I stayed to hang out with my boyfriend whom I am not even with or speak to today even though he was my first love.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023