When I was 5 years old my cousin would babysit me. I remember me grabbing his D!ck. He told me not to tell anyone and would tell me he'd give me candy. I never said anything. 30 years later he tried molesting my cousin's daughter around 15. She told everyone and her dad beat his ass. That opened up the family secret. While I was talking about this with another cousin she said something similar happened to her. I told her what happened to me too. He is a religious person , even going on an LDS mission. Everyone quit talking to him. But now the 15 year old's grandfather said we should forgive!! And that's what church teaches us. F THAT. I don't ever want to see him. I have 5 daughters and if something like that happens to them, family or not, I will kill them. I guess it's not really a secret since family knows....I just needed to vent.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023