I have a genetic disorder that I inherited from my mother’s side of the family. It has ruined me. As a kid and teenager the symptoms weren’t so bad, hardly noticeable. I could play sports and live a normal life. Now that I’m in college, it’s caught up to me. Several co-morbid conditions have appeared. I have debilitating chronic pain and have had a headache for three months straight. I’m starting to have episodes where I forget what I’m doing and can’t recall interactions with my friends from minutes before. It’s hell. And I’m hiding it from everyone. Hell, my own parents don’t believe me, they think I pass out or have memory lapses for attention. So my biggest secret is that I’m sick. And it’s not getting better. I don’t know if it ever can get better.

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023