I was gr00med, r@ped , drugg3d and abu$ed my whole life, I’ve never had a relationship with my mother or father. I’ve never had a family, which made all my relationships end in disaster because I tend to fall for the broken ones who I want to heal, and I heal them and then they leave me broken and they go off prepared and ready for life because I helped them get there. I’ve just wanted to be loved by one. ONE single person for me and only me. Why’s that so so hard… I put my all into it and it’s never ever enough, I’ve dealt with and eating disorder my whole life along with anxiety and depression and who knows what else I haven’t been able to go and get proper care and see what else is going on in my brain, my point is I have done eveything for everyone who’s come into my life through thick and thin I’ve bent over backwards and lied for and defended the most HORRIBLE people because I thought they loved me.. these days no one wants love they want to hurt hurt hurt and hurt and I’m sad to say I might be pregnant and I’m honestly so so so scared because I don’t want to bring my kid into the world like this, this isn’t how I want my kid growing up. I hope one day to find someone who can love me and hopefully this little bundle of joy I might be carrying.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023