When my paternal grandmother died last summer I didn’t really feel anything. I cried when my immediate family cried because that’s what you’re supposed to do, but that was it. You cry in private and fix your face before you go out in public. Even my dad understood that. All I felt was irritated when my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) got emotional because they acted like her death was so sudden when it wasn’t. She had cancer and she’d smoked a pack a day for probably 60 years, what were they expecting? She didn’t die of Covid so they should be grateful it didn’t cut her life short. I thought they were being over dramatic and they needed to pull themselves together and act like adults. They couldn’t even mourn right. I feel a little judgmental saying it but they couldn’t. Funerals are one of the only gatherings where strict rules are followed and they couldn’t even do that, they dressed the younger cousins up like it was Easter Sunday. I had gin for breakfast the day of her funeral because I couldn’t stand being around them while they acted like her death was the apocalypse.