I can’t and will never tell my mom about the grudge I’ve held against her for more than 5 years. When I was 12, I was sexually assaulted by her then at the time boyfriend. Despite my mom being strict on who we interact with and telling us to constantly be careful of men, she did nothing to protect us from her boyfriend and we lived with him for a couple more months. After they broke up, I was graduating to the 7th grade. I asked why she hadn’t broken up with him when the incident occurred and she told me she didn’t believe me. I got upset and asked her why she didn’t believe me and she yelled at me, “I don’t want to talk about this!” My mom is now remarried and gave birth to my baby sister. When we get into arguments she’ll constantly tell me how much she wants to kill herself and how me and my siblings are evil. When I think about telling her how that incident has traumatized me, thoughts of her committing suicide come to mind. I know it isn’t healthy, but I don’t want to put stress on her anymore

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023