I don't have a place to vent without feeling like a bother. I've messed up friend ships because of my attitude and the words I've said and I just wanna say sorry to them over and over and learn to change. sometimes I just feel like too much and the good things I get I don't deserve. nothing feels real and sometimes I think about death but I stop because I know I'm needed and the concept scares me and I start crying and think about how bad of a person I am for some of the things I do or want to do. I just want to change. I'm sorry. have a good night.

i’m tired. i used to be a straight A student all through middle school. i was a good kid. never argued, had lots of friends, was likable, nice, i loved my life. i’m now a freshman in high school, so i’m not that old. i’m scared to eat, i can’t trust anyone, i’m failing 4 classes, i don’t come out of my room, just lost my best friend, my ex who i still love despises every inch of me. it’s taking a toll on my mental health and i’m just tired of being here. tired of pretending i’m happy just so other people don’t worry about me. i don’t know what to do, how to react. my anxiety is over the roof, to where i can’t even get out of bed. i got diagnosed with being bipolar, which is hard. i just don’t know what to do. i’m trying but i’m so tired. i’m running out of options.

• August 2, 2023