February 14, 2019. That was the day that i was r@ped by my then gf and best friend. I started sh and having su!c!dal thoughts. I have almost k!lled myself 3 or 4 times and no one knows. I still feel disgusting every time i see her, or think about it, which happens all the time. Im in a better spot atm, a couple months clean of sh, but im getting bad again. The worst part is that ive started talking to a guy recently who doesnt deal with mental health issues as far as i know, wnd i really dont want to scare him off. I dont know how to open up, but i know ill have to eventually. He deserves to know what hes having to deal with. But then i overthink and go into anxiety attacks every time i try to work up the courage. I need help.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023