I deal with really strong, really immobilizing health related childhood trauma and idk what to do. Basically when I was 4 I started having a really intense stomach problem that developed into my intestines shutting down. I was in insane pain for two years going from doctor to doctor and getting blood tests every other week. Eventually we figured out that it was because of a problem with the food I was eating that made it impossible for my body to digest it. This sounds dramatic but it almost k!lled me. According to the doctor, had I not gone to her office the day I did, I would’ve been dead within a week. Eventually I got better but it made it to where sometimes I’m scared to eat. I hate eating at restaurants where I can’t tell for sure what’s being put into my food, I hate eating food prepared by anyone other than myself unless I can watch it being made, I just hate eating bc it makes me feel like somethings gonna go wrong. It makes people think I have an ED which I don’t think I do. And now every time I feel any sort of stomach related pain I automatically think I need to go to the hospital otherwise I’ll d!e. Ik plenty of people probably struggle with the same thing but idk it’s a really lonely feeling.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023