When I was 11 my dad left, an hour later my mom moved her bf into our house, I used to wake up to him at night. My mom knew and let it happened so he’d give her heroin. No one picked up how I didn’t wanna be touched, how I just lost so much weight, I hated my family and him, and my mom thought it was normal that he wanted to French kiss me in public, this went on till I was 14. I left and moved into a friends till cps could find my dad. My dad forced me to go to court and my mom and sister lied for him. My sister got cause and is no longer eligible to testify in courts. Now after my dad turned out to be abusive I’m 18 with my own apartment and I have pets, my dad is dying and my mom, sister and moms bf sell toys they bought a value villiage to kids at a flea market, it feels like their looking for a new victim and I have so much anger I can’t get over.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023