I became hyper sexual starting in kindergarten. I’m not exactly sure where it came from, I was never sexually assaulted or touched during those stages of my life. Kindergarten up to high school I was so addicted to (p*rn) and self pleasure, and being sexual with other girls my age. I was about maybe 10-12 I was touched by my older cousin who was 18 and recently out of jail. Another incident nobody knows about is that when I lived in Colorado around 8 years old my grandma seen my step dad touching me while I was sleeping but she didn’t tell anyone. It doesn’t affect me now ( I’m 19 ) I wouldn’t consider myself hyper sexual anymore, I think I’m partially alright and healed, a lot of it was just between kindergarten-8th grade

In 3rd grade I had a best friend she made me laugh and I was so happy being friends with her. Eventually we started having sleepovers and this went on till 5th grade. I went over to her house every single weekend. We made SO many memories together. Then all of a sudden I always got really homesick and I always wanted to go home. I would start crying and call my parents in the middle of the night and they would have to come pick me up. Then after this happened over 15 times we started having sleepovers at my house. She was very respectful about how I couldn't stay at her house. We even had sleepovers with other people. AT OTHER PEOPLES HOUSES. But there something about her house that just always made me want to go home. The strange thing was that she moved and I still did the same thing but I had the courage to go over to other peoples houses a little more now. Me her and our other friend decided to hang out but this time she was different she wasn't as respectful as I remember her being. She had said that day infront of other people "we should have a pool party sleepover and we can invite _____, ________, ________ just like a bunch of people and she turned to me and started laughing and said if u could even go. A couple months passed and some girl i hadn't talked to in like a year and a half txts me and says "you wanna have a sleepover? " and of course i said yes bc I wanted to catch up but the thing was she was part of my "friends" best friend group. And Eventually into the night she called some girl at the sleepover and that girl told my "friend" that I was staying over.She then blocked me on all socials and I couldn't talk to her at all. What I hope wasn't happening was that my "friend" told her bestie to see if I would stay at her house just to play me... up until recently when someone pointed it out (7-8 months later) I realized this could have been the case. But there are always 2 sides of the story I just couldn't ever explain why I wanted to go home because I genuinely didn't know and I don't feel bad anymore but then she really put me through something that I wasn't ready for. 3 years of friendship in the trash and she told her friends so now I'm afraid they hate me. But they were my friends before they were hers so I don't know. The worst thing is she is really close with two of my best friends and everytime something happens to her they tell me and I don't wanna be rude and say I don't care but I really can't handle hearing about her and I act like its fine and that it doesn't hurt to hear her name or see her but it does. Because she looks SO happy and I just don't. I guess I probably wasn't very important to her. But she was to me and as much as I want to move on ive learned two things .1 losing ur best friend is way harder then losing a s/o 2. Even if I want to ill still always have the good ... and the bad memories with me. She's also the reason I have MAJOR trust issues what also sucks is that I can't tell anyone because all my friends would have to choose me or her and I feel like all of them would choose her.

• May 22, 2023