My hopes are generally centered around what has happened in my life, but I just hope to meet a girl that understands me and I hope that she can help me get through life, because I really need someone in my corner right now. So when I was 14, I played baseball and me and my buddy were really close and this was a really important game because it was a state championship. Anyway, me and him got into an argument and I told him to just get away from me and as I did I had to leave to go onto the field, I never knew that the last time I would see my best friend was of him walking away from me sad. As I was up to bat, my buddy was walking away and went to his dads horse trailer and laid underneath it, I guess to think about what just happened, and as he did this, his dad reversed and killed my best friend on the spot. The only way I knew I messed up and when I immediately left the field was when I saw multiple ambulances and fire trucks come flying into the baseball field. When I saw him I literally broke down. That day was the day I killed my best friend and I miss him everyday and regret yelling at him. More recently I just broke up with the girl that saved me from suicide and she said it was because I was too nice, I apologized too much, and I was too controlling because I didn’t like her doing other guys at 1AM. She broke up with me over text on Valentine’s Day and she has been on my mind since. I feel like I always cause problems in this life and I wish that I could just stop the pain. I as a man have been beaten by a girl, I have been forced into sex, and I have been emotionally abused. I have no idea what to do, I am currently 17 and weigh 205, I can deadlift 415 and can bench press 295 and having maxed out my bench press yet. I am about to just give up on this life though, thanks for listening.