its not really much of a secret but i been smoking bud everyday since i was 10 yrs old at first i did it bc my uncle would rape me everyday then i kept going bc my cousins would hang out w these guys and they would rape us why would i go? i was an only child since i was used to it i never really thought about it i never been much of a thinker i always go w the flow until i met my bff he told me everyone always notice the small detail i never did…my own uncle became obsessed with me bc he remembers me as the little girl who he raped i never had a father i dont like guys touching me i cant ever chill or hang out w a guy bc i’ll get disgusted i’ve had so much going on that i no longer feel anything im depressed everyday i met someone i finally felt comfortable but he back stabbed me w my “bff” not the bff i was talking about this was a girl and after that i no longer feel the same i just can’t think of the future i just go w the flow again i no longer feel like i exist im just here making my brothers life better i do anything for them i want them to feel loved and to keep going on the right path.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023