I have always been the kind of friend who always stood by people, and helped them get through everything but when I needed something I couldn't find anyone besides me even if it was for a happy reason or a sad reason, nobody stood by me. I hate the way my body looks, I hate the way I smile, maybe that is the reason why I stopped taking pictures and why I hate every other picture people take of me, you know every day people say body positivity and stuff but can you look in the mirror and like yourself, can you? I often feel like a failure, I keep waking up at 5 and 4 and 3 am every morning and I try I do and I end up getting marks, and I wonder was it all worth it? My mother said I was a strong person, my best friend said I never cry but all I ever did was cry myself to sleep every night and cry every time I look at myself because there is not a thing that I like about myself. I Have found love in the way a book ends and a poem begins but I wonder if one day I will wake up and will be able to look at myself and love everything about the way I look.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023