When I was around the age of 4-5 my mom and dad got into a big fight. My dad was abusive and manipulative and gaslit our whole family a few times, but I barely ever witnessed it, and if I did I never understood it till way later when I was older. One night I was scared of the dark in my room, and wanted to sleep with my parents. I don’t think I had sense I was a baby, even then I don’t think I did. I go to the bed and my dads in the bathroom, so I stay with my mom. My dad comes back and Carrie’s me to my room again. I reluctantly went along with it cause I was tired but my mom noticed and tried to convince him to let me sleep with them tonight. He got angry for some reason and next thing I knew I was sitting on my bed watching my mom get beat and choked in front of my closet by my dad. When he calmed down me and mom ran to my siblings room and locked the door and hid. We fled the house within the next hour when he was back asleep. Sense that day I sleep with two pillows beside me because I never got to have my parents beside me for comfort.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023