My biggest regret is telling my family I was sexually assaulted. Hear me out, I was sexually assaulted by my step- brother,I'm not joking so please don't say stuff like "oh step-bro, it started at around five years old and I finally told someone at about nine or ten years old. I regret it because once I told my mom, my step-dad seemed to dislike me and would say that it was my fault. No one believed me at first until he finally admitted to it. My mom was sexually assaulted when she was younger but it was one time (not saying that, it doesn't say anything it's just she doesn't know what it's like for years upon years of it.) she got pregnant, had to abort the baby because it would have killed her if she kept it, she's always saying she knows how I feel and that I should be over it now that it's been four years since I said something. My life has gotten dramatically worse since I said something and I feel like if I just kept my mouth shut everything would be fine. I don't think anyone believes me anymore and Ive tried taking my own life a few times and everytime I was sent to the hospital my mom and step dad would yell at me and tell me I needed to suck it up, or that I was such an attention seeker or even that I have everything I could ever want so why am I doing this. It really hurts and I feel alone. No one wants to try and talk to me and when they do they don't really listen the just tell me "Oh it gets better". Does it really though? Like honestly. :/

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023