So, this isn’t really important I guess. But I just wanted to share that I’ve tried offing myself almost once every month. I’m 16 going on 17. When I was 10, I promised myself I wouldn’t make it to 16. I’ve tried to over d0s3 on my prescribed medication many of times. None have worked. I’m not sure how to stop the cycle. Why am I doing this? I’m doing this because I was touched as a child. At the age of 7-8, I was assaulted per-say by a family member of mine. In my own room, on my bed. I wasn’t wearing anything revealing. And it disgusts me. I feel guilty that I let this man touch me without any fight. I asked if he was done and he replied with “not yet.” So I sat there. He told me that if I said anything he’d do something to my family, he’d hurt me. So I didn’t say anything. But still resumed to get happy birthday phone calls from him personally. My parents finally found out what happened after finding a suicidal note I wrote. They stopped all contact with him for a while. But soon they started to bring him up and talk highly about them. I don’t know if they forgot. But I’m too scared to ask. I figured they would know by now what it’s doing to me. I’ve had major panic attacks in classes where I’ve had to stay behind with a male teacher by myself. But I suppose not. What do I do??

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023