I held onto a lot of my mistakes because I never felt like I deserved to forget any of them. It felt guilty to move on with life when there were friends I let down and never got the chance to apologize. Sometimes, I'd see them around and I would hide. Even with a mask on, I can remember all of them clearly and I get scared to be noticed by them. It's not that I don't want to apologize, but I feel as though I'd be bothering them if they recognized me. It was only recently when I started to free myself from the shackles I put on me. I know I'm no longer the person I used to be, and I think I should live and make the people around me feel loved. But to those that used to be close with me, I never forgot you. Not for a day. Seeing small tidbits of your life through mutual friends made me happy and relieved that you are living. There's only a small chance one of you will read this- Thank you for being a part of my life.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023