not secret but i need to get it off my chest lol ik i sound crazy sry i’m in love w someone i’ve never met, 4k miles away from me. ik it sounds weird like “wtf are u thinking it’s not real love” or “wtf he’s prolly not real” but i know he is, for almost a year i’ve been talking to him, spending all of my time talking to him. i never got bored, there was always something more to talk about, he is the only real person i’ve ever met ever. so honest and wel spoken, wise and genuine. funny and he made me who i am. i would still be stuck in depression if it wasn’t for him and i would still forget my self worth. he is the first person in my whole life that made me feel. feel more than empty. he filled this gap in my life that no one has ever been able to and he did it perfectly. i remember him saying the first time i talked to him, that he just wasn’t the type of guy to look for any girls or whatever and he just wanted to work on himself. a couple months later it was “i don’t know if u should be saying, and ion even be liking no one but there’s something about you and i like you a lot” and since then i’m like oh my god me too. we talked for months and called for hours, before i fell asleep i would send a good morning text bc he is 6hrs ahead of me. he made me smile so hard like no one else has ever and he’s just so different. you would have tot all to him to see but his personality is everything. i remember the first night i told him i loved him. he was just as happy as i was. “bro i’m smiling so hard it hurts” and “natalie you arnt like anyone else i’ve ever met. all i’ve ever rlly wanted is just you being you. and that in itself is special” he was(still is) my everything. we had to cut off our relationship bc of the long distance. we still talked and had convos but it was for the best. j was sad but he needed me to know that he still rlly loved me and that “you’re something special tho dont forget that” so i trusted him and i was only super upset for a day or two. 7 months pass and we still talk and still call, not as often tho for sure. to cope with not having him anymore, i got with 4 other ppl to try and fill the gap but i relizsd norhing worked. the only person that can fill it is him. one day we decided to call, this dude NEVER gets sad or down or hurt or anything. he always makes himself be okay, but he was vulnerable that night. he told me that he regretted telling me we needed to stop being in a relationship. he said it was the first time ever he wished he could turn back time. he said “i look for you in everybody i meet”. he really cares about me. and i can say this so confidently. i’m in love with him but it will never work out and it rips me apart, bc i look for him in everyone else. there’s no one like him in this world.