When I was in 5th grade we were watching a movie in my comm arts class and the boy next to me (same age) started groping me. I remember telling him to stop and he said “why? Don’t you like it?” I went to the principals office after the class and they said they talked to him. Apparently he said he didn’t do it and got off Scott-free. A week later it happened again in the hallway during class. He touched me everywhere and I still remember it vividly. I was a small kid and he wasn’t so I was seriously scared for my life at that point. I never told anyone because they wouldn’t believe me anyways. I’m 15 now and I still have nightmares about that and other things like it a lot. That was the third time I’d been SAd and I’m so scared it’ll happen again because I don’t know if anyone will believe me.

i really dislike whenever my parents compare me to my other siblings. it’s always “try harder. they get much better grades than you and what do you do? stay on your phone all day.” the thing is, no matter how much i tell them that i actually try hard and study every night, they never believe me. even my own siblings, they see my studying in my room but end up ganging on me with my parents. it’s like my parents don’t even have faith and belief in their daughter anymore. it’s like my own siblings don’t see me as their sister anymore. i really do try my best when it comes to studying. i really do. no matter how hard it is, i take my time out and study, but my family never seems to understand or agree with what i do. even my friends betray me. believe it or not, i have no friends. no one even checks up on me anymore and life is so boring now. i’ve never felt so lonely and so… upset. i cry every night knowing no one cares about me. there are times where i just wanna end it. what’s the point of being alive if no one even cares? no one ever supports me anymore. the smile of me 5 years ago is not the smile i have right now. all i get is blamed at, body shamed at and yelled at.

• August 6, 2023