I knew my Dad was gonna pass away for a long time before it happened. I had been preparing myself for over a year, knowing he wasn’t going to make it to my eighteenth birthday. I was fortunate enough to visit him the day before he died (i didn’t know he was going to die the next day though) and he was so sick and weak it literally pained me to see him. He said “I love you” multiple times, but i never said it back. I never said what I wanted to say. Whoever I’ve told have just said “but he knew you loved him” but that’s not the same. I had so many chances that day to say goodbye properly, but I couldn’t even look at him. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that, but I still did. I don’t think I’m ever going to regret something more than that day.

So I’m basically the therapist of my friend group. They go to me for a lot of things and I’ve been asked to not tell other people of the group certain things. Differing opinions, issues, etc. Well, I’ve never been able to tell anyone else about my own problems because then that’s a burden to them and I can’t stand that. I literally pull out my hair because of it. But one that stands out to me is my friend who is in a situation similar to me with her parents called me one night really upset. She was on an app where you make friends with random people anonymously. The guy she had gotten to know there told her he was planning to oof that night and wanted to tell her goodbye. She tried to o message and call him back but he wouldn’t answer, she called me about fifteen minutes after to let me know. I comforted her as best I could before she hung up again and tried to get ahold of him. After an hour she called back and told me he called her back and said “I couldn’t do it. Not with you messaging and calling like that. Thank you.” She saved his life despite not knowing who he was. She asked me not to tell our friend group about it but I think it should be known by someone

• June 20, 2023