I wish my mom knew how much I love her. People say "Just tell her" but it's so much harder than you'd think. My mom has gone through so much in her life and she's struggled for so many years. I can't even begin to imagine how she feels and how difficult it is for her to raise her five children all on her own. The most heartbreaking thing for me is seeing her cry. I've seen her cry so many times and thats not something a child should see. I just want her to be happy. I wish I could do something but I'm barely a teenager and deep inside I'm hoping that someday I'll be successful and can give her the life she deserves but who knows when she'll reach the inevitable doom that every human will meet someday. I love her more than anyone in the world, even if I know she'll never accept me for being different (aka, not heterosexual). Can people relate? I hope so.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023