Being a human is a lonely experience but the ones who differentiate between lonely and alone are happy. I have liver damage and I tell people it’s because I drank a lot, that’s not true it’s because I took everything in the medicine cabinet and It messed up my liver. I was taking what I thought would be my last few breaths in the hospital when my body flooded with endorphins after throwing up a good 30 times. I was so relieved that it would be the last time I there’s up and I took another breath. I thought about how this was my last time breathing and thought about all the things I did for the last time. I would’ve enjoyed the things much more if I had known it was my last time. I started panicking and everything went black. I would have taken my last breath panicked if it wasn’t for a nurse who noticed my chart and my allergies. I woke up 1 week later with the worst pain in every part of my body and even though it was the worst pain of my life But at least it wasn’t the last time.

I am 17 year old drug addict and I’ve been clean for about 2 years almost and even tho I’m clean I still crave drugs all the time. I want to relapse. I miss the feeling in my body when i would b high. I dont take pills anymore but i drink heavily and it’s definitely just a substitute for my actual addictions. It started w a pot brownie, I bought a brownie and ate it and turns out it was laced w ecstasy, I’ve been trying to mimick that high ever since. Nothing will ever compare to that first high and thats apart of my problem. My mom doesn’t know I’m an addict, a friend of mine told her I was addicted to meth once and i gaslit the fuck out of her. She never had a chance to believe my friend because I was a manipulative ass bitch at the time. Talking to my mom is out of the question because she will be focused on how its her fault and not try to understand and help me with these urges. I want to do drugs again but i value my relationships w my family and friends to much to do that again. My bestfriend also has a baby now and I refuse to bring that around her and her child. But it honestly feels like the urges are winning, like im one bad day from relapsing.

• June 25, 2023