So I like my best friend,he’s treat me so well and he’s helped me through so much. Like sometimes he would do things that made me believe he liked me back but ya know it’s the overthinking,so I went to his house and he went through my phone and I begged him not to and he found out everything and he said he didn’t want to talk about it so a week later he told me we were only friends and I was absolutely heartbroken, I’ve tried to end it all multiple times and I’ve hurt myself multiple times and I told him that and he said if I keep doing that he won’t be friends with me anymore.i already think he hates me and I really don’t want to lose him,I’d be destroyed if I did,so I’m just here pretending I’m happy whenever I talk to him and I’m just so broken and idek if I can talk to him about that anymore so yeah. I just want help:(

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023