My step dad was an alcoholic. I’ve seen him kick the baby swing with my baby brother in it. I’ve seen him drag my mom off the steps with my baby sister in his arms. He’s broken so many things. I have so many pictures of broken family frames and of broken doors or windows. He can’t control his anger and takes it out on us. He breaks my moms phone whenever she tries calling for help. She’s had a total of 11 phones sense being with him. He’ll self harm to get pity from her. He’s a grown adult and acts like a child. He used to be the best role figure but he’s going down the drain. He had a rough childhood and we try helping him but we get screamed at or he’ll threaten to hurt us. It started when I was 12 and I’m 17 now. I don’t want to live with my mom because he’s there. I’m terrified of him…but I love my mom and my siblings and I don’t want them to go through with this. He’s been kicked out multiple times and says he’ll change but whenever he’s stressed he goes back to all that stuff…. I don’t know what to do.

Sooo im currently suffering from an ED (bulmina to be exact) and my friends are supportive of me but at the same time they still make jokes about it. I always hear the “why eat if youll throw it up” “oh did you throw up already” “you cant even keep it down” etc. it doesnt bother me too much because alot of times they try to keep me seated and let me stomach the food down and have always asked me how my progress is. But at the same time, my best friend isnt the biggest eater, at least not infront of me. We would plan days to go out and eat and she always eats less than i do. I get really insecure and that prompts me to get rid of the food. She oftenly comments how little she eats or how shes not hungry. If yk anything about EDs, you should know that it’s extremely competitive. So everytime i hear that or smth similar, body body freezes up and i no longer eat or keep anything down for the day. I cant bring myself too. I feel like a pig everytime i hear “im not hungry” or “oh i only ate one thing today” or anything along the lines of that. Its not her fault for saying this or my friends to joke about it, we aren’t sentimental with each other and it weirds us all out when it does happen. I know they dont mean it and want the best for me, but the comments just drive my ED further and further. I cant go to my family, they make comments on my body regardless so the only people i have are them, but at this point idk if ill be okay.

• July 31, 2023