Like a year ago One day it was at night my parents received a phone call about my youngest cousin with problems and they rushed to the hospital and I was with my older cousin. So we stayed at my house and my cousin came with us so it was my my cousin older by me with one year and my brother who is younger than both of us. So we all payed down in the same bed and well we started to make up I have no idea what just happened there but then he started touching me and well when I got uncomfortable I pushed back and left and well it’s just weird being around him or near him. I feel awful of that and can never forget what happened that night

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023