when i was 15, my bestfriend was 18 and we did everything together. I was at his house all the time- we were always together. i’d never done anything seggsual (except like kiss someone) before with anyone and i didn’t plan on it for a long long time. we got into a huge fight and didn’t talk for a few days but then we made up. one night we were at his house and were watching movies, he looked over at me and kissed me. i was completely fine with him kissing me but then he started asking if i wanted to do more and i said no, he just kept asking why. fast forward to another night and he asked me the same thing and i said no again and again, but he kept asking why and then i was so scared so i just said ok. that was my first time and it kept happening. he knew i was uncomfortable and that i didn’t want to. i feel like it’s all my fault, even though i said no.now im almost 18 and i still think about it and it hurts me.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023