When i was about 11 my cousin was getting close to me and I didn't know why he was doing that so we grown up he raped me at 14 then he kept coming in my house he was trying to do that again and again but i was doing my best to stop him he always came when i am alone and everyone thinks he is good guy even my family trust him once i was alone in the room and my bro was in the kitchen he came and run into me i woke up and ran away he pulled my hair and hurts my hands so bad but i was able to run this time to i am still running from him whenever i see him and another cousin of mine is same like him he is caming after me idk why people r like that like they r the reason i have never fall in love everything in my mind like i hate everything relationships now whenever i see a guy i think he is bad all that bc of what happened to me now i am 22 and they still didn't leave me alone sometimes i am thinking about suicid but yeah still surviving day by day my hand is on my heart and thinking what if he is coming now or if someone came oh that's him they destroyed my future my life my dreams everything ❤️‍

I fell in love with a guy for 5 years of my life. No matter how much time we were away from each other I couldn’t forget him or move on from him. 2 years ago I started to date someone else and had stoped talking to the other guy who we will call Jacob. For so long I thought that I had stoped loving Jacob yet not once did he leave my mind. He was always in my heart and was such an important person. Many people ask why I didn’t just stay with him. The truth is that he never told me how he truly felt. He never spoke his mind to me. He was always quiet and refused to tell me how he felt about me. In a way I know he loved me too. I just don’t think he wanted to be an open person because he was never open with anyone at all. We weren’t meant to be and this past summer I left my relationship to try and be with Jacob but he was hurting me by staying silent and not telling me if he wanted to be with me. He said he did but he wasn’t open on his feelings and as much as I think he did love me I also think that he was never gonna fight for me or open up to me. I wish it was different. He was the only person I will ever have such a strong connection and bond with. After two months of trying to work something out with him again. It failed. I felt like he wanted the whole world but me. I love him I really do. I went back to the guy I was dating because I felt it was unfair to leave such a great guy for something that wasn’t gonna work out. However I truly love Jacob and yes I love my boyfriend too but Jacob will always be a piece of my life and soul. I don’t know how to let Jacob go. At nights I miss him a lot and I need to constantly remind myself that I need to let him go. I just wanna forget him and move in. I wish it was easy. I just wanna feel happiness and no longer pain from a love that was too good to be true.

• July 30, 2023