My biggest regret huh? I mostly regret one day. I was laying in bed with my twin sister when we were 6. Our family was poor so we had to share a bed, we didn’t mind though. The day went on like normal until late at 7pm my father came home and started screaming at my twin (Olive) while my brothers tried to protect us. My brothers left us for one moment when they thought the heat was cooled down. But as soon as they left my father headed to the kitchen and came out with a knife. I was right next to Olive. One move and she would have been with me to this day. But yet I was too slow. Because all I was thinking about was following my brothers. As I was about to leave the room my father pushed past me and stabbed Olive one foot away from me. My father is in prison and I live with my brothers. I still haven’t gotten over it to this day. It’s not my fault and I know it but I was so close…

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023