im 14 years old, turning 15 in march. ive had a pretty tough childhood. my cousin sexually assulted me at a veryyy young age and i thought it was okay and normal because i was so young. my mum was on drugs and abused me and my 3 older siblings. that went on from the age of 3 to grade 4 when my dad finally took us from her. i thought i was going to be happy but my dad is an alcoholic and verbally abusive. he always calls me useless and lazy when im just trying to live another day. ive developed a lot of insecurities with myself like my looks, weight, foot size even and i really want to die. ive self harmed from the age of 12 to 14. i was self harm free for 5 months but the recent sunday, 13th of feb i relapsed. it was really hard but this year i had really fallen down hill. i always tell my sister how ive felt, besides the self harm part and she told my dad then he came in my room and spoke to me about it and said he was going to take me to a doctor but its been 4 months and nothings happened. 3 years ago my brother saw my cuts and told my dad but he never brought it up with me. it makes me feel like he doesnt care. no one cares. could i be any more obvious on how i feel? im always in a bad mood but everyone just assumes im on my period or say im just a bitch. my brothers used to tell me to kms when i was in primary school and i almost did. they both treat me like absolute shit. always ganging up on me in arguments, always calling me dumb or making fun of my looks. they even used to abuse me. im so young, why do i feel like this? maybe i deserve it. people have it worse right? i have nothing to be sad about.