oldest in my friend group. my birthday is only a few weeks after cut off date for me to be a junior so the third month of my sophomore year i had my license. i work 5-7 hour shifts almost every day. and work doubles most weekends. so most of the time i leave school go to work then afterward we hang out. it’s been a routine since i got my job. it’s only been five months. and every day i can feel myself getting more and more emotionally drained. everyone else seems so happy and i would never want to ruin that. so when i would work till 10 or 11 at night. i would take a couple addys. i’m always so tired. drained. and really don’t want to do anything. i’ve maintained a 4.0. but my biggest fear is relapsing. cause it has to start somewhere. and i feel like addys is the beginning of it this time.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023