almost three months ago I re-download snapchat so I could make some new friends. I added this one guy and we started talking. we flirted a lot. I feel stupid to admit I never asked for his age. he looked young ? I guess. I trusted him enough to have my location on. one day, my parents were at work and my brother was at school. he came over. he forced himself on top of me and he r@ped me. I blame myself everyday. I never wanted to lose my virginity at 14. he was 19. I still haven't told anyone.

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023