Ever since middle school I had this huge problem with my body and how it takes in heat, you see I get hot very fast and my skin gets red very easily, whenever Im stressed or doing very little at gym or whenever im nervous my skin and hands turn all red and I get all sweaty which makes me insecure. I love sports. Always have ever since I was a child. But the fact I get hot from the littlest things stops me from playing what I want to play. Im afraid people might judge. Also I have very big thighs which make me sweat alot more and sweat causes an odor and im so conscious of people around me thinking they think I stink. Whenever someone even mentions the word "stink" I automatically assume its me. I really just want to do the things I love but im afraid to ask my parents whom im not close with for help. no one knows this about me but im so glad i got this off my chest. Btw my sweat problem is so bad that itd be winter and like 3 degrees and id still be hot if im in a regular coat

i really dislike whenever my parents compare me to my other siblings. it’s always “try harder. they get much better grades than you and what do you do? stay on your phone all day.” the thing is, no matter how much i tell them that i actually try hard and study every night, they never believe me. even my own siblings, they see my studying in my room but end up ganging on me with my parents. it’s like my parents don’t even have faith and belief in their daughter anymore. it’s like my own siblings don’t see me as their sister anymore. i really do try my best when it comes to studying. i really do. no matter how hard it is, i take my time out and study, but my family never seems to understand or agree with what i do. even my friends betray me. believe it or not, i have no friends. no one even checks up on me anymore and life is so boring now. i’ve never felt so lonely and so… upset. i cry every night knowing no one cares about me. there are times where i just wanna end it. what’s the point of being alive if no one even cares? no one ever supports me anymore. the smile of me 5 years ago is not the smile i have right now. all i get is blamed at, body shamed at and yelled at.

• August 6, 2023