A few weeks ago I was talking to my cousin(who’s older) about my little cousin seeing a therapist because she’s depressed. My older cousin then made a joke out of it and I told her that I too have been seeing a therapist for the past few years. She then asked why and I said because I’m also depressed and I have so many inner child traumas that I needed to heal from. She then asked if my childhood was that traumatic. Yes! I lost my mom when I was 2, my dad was a drug addict. He left my brother and I with my grandma for many many years. I never really had a home where I could called home. I was always picked on by kids because I didn’t have a mom. If this isn’t traumatic enough for a child then I don’t know what is. I also just lost my grandma 10 months ago. My life is a mess but I am now old enough to work and currently in college. I hope someday I will have a home of my own and fully healed from all these traumas. Some people will never understand because they didn’t grew up in a broken home.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023