I was 12, it was right after my mom had died and i was laying in bed at my dads house, i was hungry so i went out to the kitchen and my dad was no where to be found, i went to sleep and woke up around 3am and he was still gone, finally around 5 am i went to check again and he was passed out on the floor with a needle in his arm and i took it out and covered him with a blanket and all i could do was defend him whenever someone called him a junkie, until one day my dad decided i was no longer someone he wanted in his life and left me.

One thing I regret and please don’t give me shit for but, I had been living with my aunt when I was around 16. For context, I was born into a very poor family, my mom had kicked me out and I was living with my aunt. My aunt had a two bedroom trailer so we shared a room, it was always dirty and I was still in high school. I had a laptop that I saved money for and bought (It was only 150 dollars it wasn’t extravagant.) For Mother’s Day her sons didn’t get her anything and she was very sad. So I gave her my laptop as a gift, and told her that I loved her. My aunt was very sick (later found out she had cancer), she couldn’t really move a whole lot and needed care that her sons refused to give her. My cousins were on drugs and never home. A few months later she let her sons wife kick me out of her house, and I told her to “give me my laptop back” i said it in the heat of the moment, and she started crying saying it was hers and I had gave it to her. I feel so guilty because she’s never really had nice things. And seeing her cry made me feel so horrible. I pushed aside my guilt and let my anger get the best of me. By the time I wanted to reach out to apologize, we found out she had passed away, alone. Nobody knew until days later. I wish she was still here so I can tell her I’m sorry and that I love her.

• June 23, 2023