My darkest and deepest secret i carry to this day takes me back to when i was around 4. My parents recently divorced in this time and i was used to seeing moms new friends and boyfriends. one in particular adored me, showed me love and cared for me. to this point i was used to this boyfriend being nice, offering to watch me while she was at work, even let me play with his kids he brought over. well one day i was at my grandmas and his kids came over along with their aunts, me and the boy were in the bathroom playing with i tried to get him to leave so i could pee, he wouldn’t leave. he tried to pee with me later than asking me to touch him. he forcefully put my mouth on his body in ways i couldn’t imagine. i tried to screen but couldn’t breath. when he was done he said i love you and let me go. i walked into the living room crying. scared. alone. and nobody will ever know this about me.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023