Growing up I had custody with my father( I was 8 years old, I'm 15 now) I would have certain days where I would go to my father's house and spend the night. Most of the time he would never feed me because he was busy having S*x in the room across from where I stayed. He didnt care about me at all. All he cared about was Sexual Pleasure and S*x. It got to the point to where one night I was hungry and I walked in on them doing it but it wasnt the normal way. I told my mom about what was going on and thankfully i got taken away from his rights and it still haunts me till this day.

I've always been su1c1d@l and I want to die everyday. I'm not worth living if no one loves me, even they say they do, they are probably just faking it. My gf broke up with 2 months ago and I've gotten worse. And Ive been thinking and, who would wanna date me? I'm Fat, my hair is greasy, it's to short, my hips look stupid, my thighs r too big, I have too small eyes, my cheeks are big, etc. I used to sh but when I told someone they wanted to help but when I asked if they could not tell anyone they said they wouldn't unless it got bad. I stopped but they don't know that by saying that I'm just not gonna tell anyone next time it happens. My life is horrible, my grandparents also yell at me and say I look like a male and that I'm fat and etc. What's the point of living if Im just gonna suffer? Just today I had a panic attack in band, my friend got the teacher and he helped me but I still feel bad for taking up his/the classes time for me. I don't like talking about stuff like this most the time bc I feel attention seeking but I'm not. I can't tell anyone I'm depressed like this bc they probably won't believe me, I mean I am only 12 so who would believe me? I'm also way too sensitive, I cry when someone yells at me from past truma and flinch when someone raises their hand, I don't wanna see what it would be like to grow up bc it seems too hard. I want advice from people in the comments, how do I stop being su1c1d@l?

• June 24, 2023